Jawed’s Blog

A drunken Chinese migrant worker jumped into a panda enclosure at the Beijing Zoo to touch the bear. But the asleep panda startled and bit him on the legs and he bit the animal in retaliations.

Funny isn’t it, what would you do in retaliation?

Read full story

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

• If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.
• If they are recounting them. Put them in auditing.
• If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in engineering.
• If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order. Put them in planning.
• If they are throwing the bricks at each other. Put them in operations.
• If they are sleeping. Put them in security.
• If they have broken the bricks into pieces. Put them in information technology.
• If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources.
• If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in sales.
• If they have already left for the day. Put them in marketing.
• If they are staring out of the window. Put them on strategic planning.
• And then last but not least. If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
• Congratulate them and put them in top management.

Lesson # 1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:

• To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting, on top!

Lesson # 2

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson:

• Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there!

Lesson # 3

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it lay there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons:

• Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
• Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
• And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!